Dark Thoughts

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Dark thoughts aren’t just born in the night,

I should know.


Tell me,

Doesn’t your mind freely drift away,

At the brightness of moments,

Seeking, searching, exploring

The depths of your hell of a mind,

Subduing, vanquishing, dividing and conquering,

Craving that which won’t be?


Do you not think of how crushed your skull would be,

Underneath a mangled wreck?

Murkiness, Darkness.

Forgive me,

shouldn’t I have voiced that?

Just kept it in the rusty corners of my being,

All silent, hushed,voiceless, tight-lipped?


Aren’t you all like me,

Finding peace and silence,

Swimming in the depths of a fire,

Holding your breath for so long,

That you forget the use of beathing,

Don’t you wake up laughing when,

You see his crooked elbow,

aiming a gun towards your head?


Tell me this,

How do you drown the darkness of your heart?

Because every time I look at you,

I see it seeping through the cracks of your broken heart,

And I want to soak it all in.

Yet all you exude is light.

How do you rid of the sickness of dark thoughts?

In the light of day, at noon?


No you don’t want it,

nor do you wish on it,

It just surfaces and finds you.

Dreams, fantasies, visions, nightmares

Dark,unlit, pitch-black and gloomy

Just like your soul.

Dark thoughts aren’t born in the night,

I should know

Black

The Voices

The voices in my head, they don’t care what I do, they just want to argue the matter through and through~Leonard Cohen


When I was eleven, I used to hear voices inside my head.Fading,omnious,faint, indistict murmurs.Like a mechanics workshop, it never really got quite. I thought it was Dubious. I was uncertain, and unsure about whether I was normal. I asked my closest friend whether she had heard them, she hadn’t, but it was amusing, entertaining, hysterical, side-splitting. For a whole ten minutes we were in stiches, while she asked me to narrate over and over how much the sounds freaked me during the quite exam hours. Or during preps when all was so calm. We disregarded the matter and that was the end.


I’ve been hearing the same voices again. It came to me so clearly tonight.Like a guitar Riff in the back of my mind. I tried to helplessly fight it to no avail. For a moment my head violently buzzed and felt heavy. It was in full gear. No longer faint or indistinct or a murmur and all I could think of was the face of the voice. The clarity, it’s nearness, it’s warmth covering my soul. Now I know I’m special, not normal, not crazy. It’s the face of destiny. It’s loneliness,happiness, sadness, excitment, despair. All mixed into one heavenly bowl and poured into me. This is both life and death at the same time. It’s me.

Keep Fighting

Instead of being ashamed of what you’ve been through , be proud of what you’ve overcomed

I still remember the day you nearly fell for the temptation

Dark clouds looming in the sky

threatening to burst into rain which never came

The fleeting image of your face

On a mirror

Your body bundled in the corner of your blue room

Face stained but not with tears

you could never cry for yourself.


The first time you felt doubt

you instantly locked it in your heart

Even I could not recognize it

under the layers of facade

that you had put on.

But I definitely saw it the second time

And the third and the fourth and the umpteenth time

A feeling I can’t Express

When you streched your elastic skin

After their ugly words were uttered

And reinvented a new you.


I was so afraid

That salvation for you was long gone

I didn’t reach out

or speak, even touch

Oh how wrong I was love!

Behind all the sins I saw

Your pain and hurt

The passive show you kept,

You were more than the words

their declaration

More than my confining thoughts.


No,

You were neither confident nor peaceful

You were unhappily you

Imperfect and flawed

Sad and angry

Scared and alone

But even in the face of all these

you never gave in

You remained you.

And no one could define or contain you.


When your hand trembled

Threatening to drive the razor into your veins

In your closed bathroom

You felt such a great fear tugging at the sleeve of your heart,

Chanting your name

And I knew you were never hopeless

No one could kill you,

Not even you.

The Angel Of Death

I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.

Woody Allen


I waited for a few seconds

Before creeping into his room

I have never seen anything like it

His baby face carefully contorted

As if he was having the most peaceful of dreams,

I mean how could he not

With the tasteful, pricey decor on his bedroom walls

So white you want to be one with it.


I wanted to touch him

Just a little,Spook his mind

I felt all the negative energy

Dancing in the core of my being

“Do it! Do it! ” It screamed

And from my years of experience , the things I have done

The reputation I have for myself

I knew the voice would win, eventually.


I could not hear his screams

As he writhed in pain

But I felt it, a huge sense of satisfaction in my veins

I felt the white turn into gray and then into black

His eyes widened, for a moment I froze.

It is Risky if he saw and recognized me.

Knew that I’m the Angel of death.

FRAUD

You smell like hidden motives.

You were a Fraud,

Ever since you stepped into the room,

I could smell it in your expensive clothes,

And I could see it on your cleanly shaven head.

Even when you looked my way,

And your eyes seemed to pierce my soul,

I knew there was something about you,

Eerily clean but sinister.

I shivered clearly as you made your way towards me,

How could someone send me over the edge,

And yet still remain captivating at the same time?.

People like shiny things,

But not me.

I’ve been taught that every silver lining,

Is a disguise for a storm.

So you do understand why you were bone chilling,

When I realized you weren’t who you seemed to be,

Who I had accepted.

When my chest started constricting,

And my eyes watering,

You had my life in your hands,

You are a Fraud.

Of Life and Hope

Keep hope alive

Keep Hope alive’

I am sitting here on this rocking chair,
I rock my brain back and forth, not fair,
With a plastic cup in one of his hands,
And the other stretched out full of bands,
He beseeches me, “My mum is blind and I have nowhere to go”
I stretch my not paralysed hand towards the door,
“There you will find what you hope for”.

I am sitting here on this rocking chair,
I see her from afar, beautiful hair,
She jumps merrily singing all the way,
Bare footed she dances leaving her slippers at bay,
“Have a biscuit mister” she calls out,
Removes a piece from her almost torn pocket,
It’s more than I can hope for.

Sitting here on this rocking chair,
I feel neither happiness nor despair,
As she throws me a disgusted look,
Scurrying away so fast not looking back,
It isn’t her fault anyway,
I’m used to the looks every day,
Except there’s nothing to hope for.

Sitting on this rocking chair,
My mind is literally bare,
Waiting for someone to hold me,
And remind me how easy it is to let it be,
Restoring the faith in the hollowness of my chest,
Because I Believe all is not lost,
It’s all that I hope for.