Precipice of my life

 

 

IMGL4310
‘In time we hate that which we often fear’  William Shakespeare, Antony and Cleopatra

For a long time I resented(sometimes mistook for being afraid)  of the male species. Years and years of experience solidified that in my young mind. When I was about 11 years old my family had a financial crisis (the one we’ve all experienced)  so we had to move a lot to places where we could set up new business and find cheap life. And in all the places we went there was always a piece of harassment.

At one point,  we settled down in a small town in Western Kenya the almost ideal place and immediately my family set up a small hotel(the best we could manage at the time😁).There is where my fears began I believe.  Since we were located near the bus stage,  the matatu touts and bus drivers would occasionally stop for a cup of tea or a plate of Ugali.  They were always so rude and disrespectful to women(disrespected my mom). I even remember this one time this guy started hitting on my mum and when my mum said no he started insulting her.  Fortunately my aunt(mom’s bigger sister)  was around and forced the guy to apologize or else he would be reported to the police.

Others were always drunk on Chang’aa and illicit brews. They always felt entitled and bigger as if they owned the place. It didn’t come as a surprise that many young girls in the area had been impregnated by these men,  some raped. A silent community of girls who dropped out of school to become mothers. (HIV is also prevalent in the area.)

So I developed a defense mechanism.  Rael, one of the employees taught me to give witty and hard comebaks to anyone who tried to mess with me. I didn’t smile at just anyone,  or greet them, accept anything from anyone or even regard their presence since it encouraged them to feel entitled to you. I also didn’t have a lot of friends since they were untrustworthy  and not everyone had the best intent for you(both male and females).

I hid myself under layers of male clothing so that I could be undesirable. Always shaved my hair even though I truly loved it. They forced me to be ugly.  But then discovered what is greater than hiding and loathe for the other gender- words and accomplishment.

I realized that apart from policemen these people feared accomplished,  successful women and that is what I vowed to be. So I don’t resent men anymore because I’ve met great men,  who would give up everything for change.  Men who speak the truth and aren’t afraid of it. Men who push me to be the greatest form of me.I now understand that hate and resentment does more harm to me than good.
Precipice

Advertisements

17 thoughts on “Precipice of my life

  1. Congratulations on a really well expressed post. There are bad and good, both males and females. Don’t hide, be proud of who you are! 😊🐻

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Well,dear girlfriend, we all have a story!This is so inspiring guuurl, “lay low and do you”..Go for what you want and all the best.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You have expressed a lot of what I have gone through and sometimes still go through in the U.S.A. Sadly girls and women are targets for these predators. Last year the threat became real and fortunately I was able to transfer to a different company location and I changed my shift. Yes no matter where you live it can be dangerous to be female. I have male friends but find it difficult to establish any type of intimate relationship. Perhaps with therapy I can get to the point where I will meet the right man and have a companion for my senior years (I’m nearly 60).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It is so sad that we get to live in fear because of something that we don’t have a choice over. That biology gets to be the reason our lives are different. I sincerely hope that you find all the happiness and peace in the world. 😘😘

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is sad and even though we have laws against sexual harassment, rape and gender discrimination those laws are not enforced. Also being a Black Woman in America makes you an instant target because our lives are not valued. The U.S.A. is not the paragon of Justice that it makes itself out to be. The entire system including the church tolerates violence against women and even encourages it. By teaching that women should submit to men and that men are the head of the household that reinforces the male mind to think that he can do anything he wants to the women in his family, church and neighborhood with no repercussions. So literally men get away with raping and murdering women on a daily basis. Probably more women die from domestic violence in America that from any disease.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. So disturbing. And it’s the same case here and most parts of the world I believe. I think our society and legal system has failed us because they’ve continually taught generations after generations to sympathize with gender violence.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Espiritu en Fuego/A Fiery Spirit and commented:
    She has expressed a lot of what I have gone through and sometimes still go through in the U.S.A. Sadly girls and women are targets for these predators. Last year the threat became real but fortunately I was able to transfer to a different company location and I changed my shift. No matter where you live it can be dangerous to be female. I have male friends but find it difficult to establish any type of intimate relationship. Perhaps with therapy I can get to the point where I will meet the right man and have a companion for my senior years (I’m nearly 60).

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s